If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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