At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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