I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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