Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
