It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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