Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The air was thick with penises
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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