our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
