Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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