the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
