I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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