U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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