If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
