I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
