so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
