someone threw a dead crab at me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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