I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
