ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
