Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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