I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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