i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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