is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
