OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
