I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
