i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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