He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
