i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
