the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
