Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
