Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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