it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
