i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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