she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
