I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
