So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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