Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
