If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
