she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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