I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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