i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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