First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
