I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
