well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
