Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
