Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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