So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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