i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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