mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
