I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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