are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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