dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
