I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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