Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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