talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
