my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
