i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
