The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
