i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
