now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
