Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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