dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize