Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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