Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
