Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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