I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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