Farmville is her only friend.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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