perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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