He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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