She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
