everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
