dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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