Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
