I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
