remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
