Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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