I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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