It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
