He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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