She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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