I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
