If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
